Feel Free to Forgive

Forgiving my father was one of my most favorite things about 2023. My father and I have had a strained relationship for most of my life. I was raised by my mother and grandmother. He and my mother ended their relationship when I was an infant. My mother moved back to her home state, South Carolina, and my father remained in Mississippi. Although we lived in separate states, I had little to no contact with him at most points of my life. He sent lots of cards. He visited a few times out of the blue and the visits always had this sense of awkwardness. For years, I didn’t know how to express my frustration with my father. I was afraid to ask, “Why aren’t you involved in my life?” Sometimes, I’d wonder why he didn’t call me. I wondered if he cared about me. I didn’t understand how someone could have a child and not speak to them every single day. I wasn’t able to express these things to my father until I was 23 years old. My father began to repeatedly share that he wanted a relationship with me. I was extremely apprehensive about opening myself to him, because I didn’t want to feel any more hurt. We met up in Atlanta one day, and I exploded. I had suppressed my feelings for so long that when I tried to explain everything, a combustion of anger, rage, and pain erupted in me. These feelings couldn’t hide any longer. He couldn’t handle the explosion and left almost immediately. Later, I received a card in the mail about how sorry he was about not being in my life and asking for forgiveness. I slowly started to respond to his text messages. I was like a scale teetering back a forth. I’d think that I was over my abandonment issues. Then, those feelings of hurt and anger would resurface, and I’d become distant. My father became more persistent with his efforts to build a solid father and daughter relationship. He drove 10+ hours to be present for the births of my children. He was so proud to become a grandad. “We don’t die, we multiply,” he chortled.

I started discussing my abandonment issues in therapy sessions. I learned steps and techniques to begin my journey to forgiveness. In 2023, he spent my 30th birthday with me. We had a ball! We went to brunch, shopping, and laughed a lot! I was on Cloud 9 simply because my dad was there spending time with me. I felt so liberated! Those bags of anger, rage, and pain were so heavy, and I was finally done carrying them. There was nothing about the past that I could change. I chose to meet my father where he was by accepting his apologies, appreciating his efforts of being a father, and getting to know each other. Today, my father and I contact each other every other day. He’s literally one of the funniest people I’ve ever met, and I love him dearly. At 30 years old, the little girl inside me that always wanted her dad was healing! Cheers to new beginnings!